“You’re a man now, Dave,” his papa told him when he was 11 and he never stopped being a man since. Not only did he piss standing up, but he shat standing up as well, that’s how much of a man he was. “Please Dave, please, just sit down,” begged his graying little wife, her bony, shriveled hands shaky and fatigued from all the years of shit-scrubbing, but the manliness just wouldn’t let him. He died from a joint failure, he died standing up, but he died like a man. They had to lay him down to put him in a casket, and that was when his dick fell off and he stopped being a man.

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